The Seuss Conundrum (or, John Watson versus the Johnlock Fans)
by englandwouldfalljohn
Summary: John Watson is challenged about his lack of desire to date Sherlock Holmes in this line-for-line parody of Green Eggs and Ham. We, the Johnlock Fans, take the place of Sam-I-Am. (Book/Fic Spoiler: Our side wins.) SPOILERS, Johnlock, POV John Watson, Ridiculous Crack and Bad Rhymes


_Wave Rainbow Banner Reading "Johnlock Fans"_

Those Johnlock Fans!

Those Johnlock Fans!

I do not like

Those Johnlock Fans!

 _Do you want_

 _To date a man?_

I do not want to,

Johnlock Fans.

I do not want

To date a man.

 _Would you date him_

 _In Baker Street?_

I would not date him

In Baker Street.

We will still need two

Rooms you see.

I do not want

To date a man.

I do not want to,

Johnlock Fans.

 _Would you date him_

 _At Angelo's?_

 _There's romance_

 _With candles, so…_

I would not date him

At Angelo's.

I would not like the

Candles, no.

I would not date him

In Baker Street.

We will still need two

Rooms you see.

I do not want to date a man.

I do not want to, Johnlock Fans.

 _Would you date him_

 _In a cab?_

 _Would you date him_

 _At Bart's lab?_

Not in a cab.

Not at Bart's lab.

Not at Angelo's.

Not with candles, no.

I would not date him in Baker Street.

We will still need two rooms you see.

I would not choose to date a man.

I do not want to, Johnlock fans.

 _Would you? Could you?_

 _At a warehouse?_

 _Date him! Date him!_

 _While Myc bribes us!_

I would not,

Could not,

At a warehouse.

 _You may like it._

 _You will see._

 _You make like it_

 _At a crime scene!_

I would not, could not at a crime scene.

Not at a warehouse! Stop outing me.

I am not his date in a cab.

I am not his date at Bart's lab.

I am not his date at Angelo's.

I do not need the candles, no.

I am not his date in Baker Street.

We will still need two rooms you see.

I am not the date of Hat Man.

I am not his date, Johnlock Fans.

 _A bomb! A bomb!_

 _A bomb! A bomb!_

 _Could you, would you,_

 _After a bomb?_

Not after a bomb! Not at a crime scene!

Not at a warehouse! Stop outing me!

I would not, could not, in a cab.

I could not, would not, at Bart's lab.

I will not date him with candles, no.

I will not date him at Angelo's.

I will not date him in Baker Street.

We will still need two rooms you see.

I do not want to date this man.

I do not want to, Johnlock Fans.

 _Say!_

 _In the palace?_

 _Here in the palace!_

 _Would you, could you, in the palace?_

I would not, could not,

In the palace.

 _Would you, could you,_

 _Around his mom?_

I would not, could not, around his mom.

Not in the palace. Not after a bomb.

Not at a warehouse. Not at a crime scene.

I do not want to date Sherlock, you see.

Not at Angelo's. Not in a cab.

Not with candles, no. Not at Bart's lab.

I will not date this arrogant man.

I do not want to, Johnlock Fans.

 _You do not want_

 _To date the man?_

I do not

Want to,

Johnlock Fans.

 _Could you, would you,_

 _With a flicked eye?_

I would not,

Could not,

With a flicked eye!

 _Would you, could you,_

 _Since Mary died?_

I could not, would not, since Mary died.

I will not, will not, with a flicked eye.

I will not date him around his mom.

I will not date him after a bomb.

Not in the palace! Not at a crime scene!

Not in a warehouse! Stop outing me!

I would not date him in a cab.

I would not date him at Bart's lab.

I will not date him at Angelo's.

I would not light some candles, no.

I would not date him in Baker Street.

We will still need two rooms you see!

I do not want

To date

That man!

I do not want to,

Johnlock Fans.

 _You do not want to._

 _You're "not gay."_

 _Kiss him! Kiss him!_

 _And you may._

 _For Sherlock you'll be gay, we say._

Fans!

If you'll stop outing me,

I will kiss him.

You will see.

(Kisses a very surprised Sherlock, who has been lying prone on the sofa in his mind palace this whole time.)

Say!

I want to date this man!

I do! I want to, Johnlock Fans!

And I would date him with a flicked eye.

And I would date him since Mary died…

And I will date him around his mom.

And in the palace. And after a bomb.

And at a warehouse. And at a crime scene.

I am so bi, so bi, you see!

So I will date him in a cab.

And I will date him at Bart's lab.

And I will date him at Angelo's.

And I will let those candles glow.

And I will date him in Baker Street.

Say! We only need one room, don't we?!

I do so want

To date this man!

Thank you!

Thank you,

Johnlock Fans!


End file.
